"About 30 years ago, Jimmy Launce, formerly a disc jockey at WJR radio in Detroit, collected more than 300 of 'I could have been ...' puns from listeners. Some of them follow."
I could have been a big wheel, but I never spoke up.
I could have been a cardiologist, but my heart just wasn't in it.
I could have been a brewer, but I didn't have the head for it.
I could have been a Buddy, but I couldn't Hacket.
I could have been a candle maker, but I didn't know wick end was up.
I could have been a geometry teacher, but I hung around in the wrong circles.
I could have been a bridge builder, but I had fallen arches.
I could have been an elevator operator, but I kept getting the shaft.
I could have been a fairy tale author, but I was too Grimm.
I could have been a Director of the Hallelujah Chorus, but I couldn't Handel it.
I could have been a psychiatrist, but I was a freud.
I could have been a thief, but I couldn't take it.
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